How Narcissistic Co-Workers Undermine Your Success
Working with a narcissistic co-worker can be a daily challenge. These individuals use various tactics to manipulate, control, and maintain their image. Here are three common behaviors you might observe in a narcissistic colleague, with detailed narratives of what these tactics look like in practice.
1. Taking Credit for Others’ Work
Narcissistic co-workers thrive on recognition and will often steal credit for ideas or achievements that are not their own. They crave validation and will manipulate situations to appear as the key contributor, even if their involvement was minimal.
Narrative Example: You and your team have worked tirelessly on a project, preparing a detailed presentation for a client. On the day of the meeting, your narcissistic colleague swoops in, presenting the work as if it were entirely their own. They sidestep questions directed at others, taking over the conversation and emphasizing their contributions. When the meeting ends, the client praises the narcissist for their “brilliant” work, leaving the rest of the team feeling overshadowed and unappreciated. Despite your involvement, they receive all the credit, and you are left in the background.
2. Undermining Colleagues
Another common tactic is undermining others. A narcissistic co-worker may spread rumors, subtly criticize you in front of others, or withhold crucial information to make you look incompetent. Their goal is to elevate themselves by making others appear less capable.
Narrative Example: During a team meeting, your narcissistic colleague might casually mention that you “seemed overwhelmed” on a recent task or imply that you missed an important detail. These comments are made subtly, so they don't come off as outright attacks, but they plant seeds of doubt in your supervisor’s mind about your competence. Behind the scenes, they might “forget” to include you in important emails, leaving you unprepared for meetings or project deadlines, while they come off as the more reliable and organized employee.
3. Gaslighting and Manipulation
Narcissists are masters of gaslighting, a tactic where they distort reality to make you question your own perceptions. They might deny things they previously said or shift blame for mistakes onto others, leaving you questioning your memory or judgment.
Narrative Example: You recall a conversation with your narcissistic co-worker where they agreed to handle a specific task. When the deadline arrives, and the work isn't done, they deny ever agreeing to it. They might say, “I don’t remember that conversation at all,” or “You must have misunderstood.” This makes you doubt your own memory, and they subtly shift the blame for the missed deadline onto you. Over time, this constant manipulation erodes your confidence and leaves you second-guessing your decisions.
How to Cope
To manage working with a narcissistic co-worker, document everything—keep records of your contributions, conversations, and agreements. Set clear boundaries, avoid engaging in their manipulative games, and focus on maintaining your professional integrity. Surround yourself with supportive colleagues who can help reinforce the truth and provide validation when you’re feeling undermined.
Sources:
Durvasula, R. (2019). Don't You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.
McBride, K. (2023). Narcissist Smear Campaign: Protecting Yourself During Divorce. Verywell Mind.