Keys to the Candy Store

Life with a Narcissist

A narcissist is a spectacularly selfish individual—think world-class selfish, like a gold medalist in the Selfish Olympics. Picture a toddler who’s never been told "no" and has the keys to the candy store. That’s the core feature of narcissism: unbelievable selfishness. It’s always and forever about him. Here are some other features of narcissism, just to give you a taste.

A narcissist won’t meet your needs. He doesn’t even know what your needs are—they’re not even on his radar. It’s always about his needs, and it’s your job, your life’s work, every minute of your day, to meet them. He’s never wrong, ever. If being wrong was an Olympic sport, he wouldn’t even qualify for the trials, which means you’re always wrong and always to blame. He’s only nice to you to look good to you and others, maybe even the kids, and to get what he wants. Genuine concern for you? That’s about as likely as pigs flying first class.

He has zero empathy for you. You could be angry, hurt, or upset—he couldn’t care less. That’s your problem, something you created. It has nothing to do with him. Emotional connection? Not happening, not now, not ever. And of course, he’s incredibly critical of you in both subtle and outrageous ways, whether in front of others or privately. He’ll criticize your weight, your looks, your housekeeping, and even how you shop for groceries. You can’t even pick out the right brand of cereal—seriously, who knew Cheerios could be a character flaw?

Imagine being with someone who acts like the world’s most demanding boss but without any of the perks. That’s life with a narcissist. So, buckle up and remember you’re not here to meet his needs; you’re here to reclaim your life. And hey, you’re way better at picking out groceries than he’ll ever be, and that’s a fact!

Sources:

• Durvasula, R. (2015). Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist. Post Hill Press.

• Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Retrieved from APA

• Campbell, W. K. (2020). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Atria Books.