The Responsible Pursuit of Ambition

Balancing Personal Goals and Relationships

Ambition is a driving force that can lead to extraordinary accomplishments and personal fulfillment. However, it’s important to understand that ambition, in itself, is not synonymous with narcissism. Dr. Ramani Durvasula emphasizes, “The idea that ambition is narcissistic is a misnomer. Ambition is ambition.” It’s the way in which ambition is pursued that determines whether it leans towards healthy goal-setting or narcissistic behavior.

Take, for example, an individual who decides to prioritize their career above personal relationships. This person might say, “My career is everything to me, and as a result, I’ve decided not to get into a relationship because I don't think it's right to do that to someone. I'm always gonna be working nights and weekends, and I'm not gonna be available.” Such a decision reflects self-awareness and responsibility, ensuring that their ambition doesn’t negatively impact another person’s life.

In contrast, narcissism emerges when ambition causes a person to neglect their relational duties. If someone is in a relationship and consistently fails to show up, listen, support, and empathize with their partner, all in the name of ambition, this behavior can be deemed narcissistic. Dr. Ramani notes, “If a person is in a relationship and they’re constantly not filling their roles within their relationship in the name of their ambition, they may be both ambitious and narcissistic.” It’s not the ambition itself but the disregard for others that signals narcissism.

The difference lies in how ambition is managed. A responsible pursuit of ambition involves self-awareness, respect for others, and a balance between personal goals and relational commitments. It’s crucial to recognize when ambition begins to overshadow the importance of compassion, empathy, and support in relationships. By maintaining this balance, individuals can pursue their dreams without compromising the well-being of those around them.

Sources:

• Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.

• Clark, D. (2018). Understanding Narcissistic Abuse: A Guide for Survivors. Self-Published.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Retrieved from APA

• Greenberg, E. (2020). Narcissistic Types: Understanding and Dealing with Them. Self-Published.