How to Counter Them
Co-parenting with a narcissist often means dealing with lies and manipulations, especially concerning your children. Narcissists prioritize their own interests, and they are not above twisting the truth to maintain control or gain sympathy. Here are the top 10 lies a narcissistic parent may tell you about your kids and how to navigate them.
1. "The Kids Don’t Want to Spend Time with You"
A narcissist may claim the children don’t want to visit you, even if it’s not true. This tactic is meant to alienate you from your children and make you feel inadequate as a parent.
Tip: Always communicate directly with your children to confirm their feelings and desires about visitation.
2. "They’re Better Off with Me"
This lie is rooted in the narcissist’s belief that they are the superior parent, regardless of the actual circumstances. They may claim to be the more stable or loving parent, even if their behavior is toxic or neglectful.
Tip: Keep records of your parenting, including any documentation of your involvement and care for the children.
3. "I Already Took Care of That"
Narcissists may claim to have handled important parenting responsibilities, such as doctor’s appointments or school meetings, to appear competent while avoiding shared responsibilities. Often, these claims are false.
Tip: Follow up on all commitments directly with the involved parties (schools, doctors) to verify what has been done.
4. "The Kids Don’t Like Your New Partner"
A narcissist may fabricate negative stories about your new partner, claiming the children are uncomfortable around them. This lie is often an attempt to stir conflict in your new relationship.
Tip: Talk directly with your children to understand their feelings rather than relying on the narcissist’s interpretation.
5. "The Kids Said They Don’t Feel Safe with You"
This is an extreme form of emotional manipulation, often used to create fear and guilt. It can also be a setup for a legal dispute.
Tip: If this claim is made, document your interactions and seek professional opinions to validate your parenting style.
6. "They’re Not Doing Well in School Because of You"
A narcissist may shift the blame for any academic struggles onto you, regardless of whether you’re the primary caregiver or not.
Tip: Stay in close contact with teachers and keep track of your children’s progress to ensure this lie doesn’t gain traction.
7. "I Can’t Afford to Take Care of the Kids Properly"
Even if the narcissist is financially stable, they may claim they cannot provide adequate care, attempting to extract more child support or financial help.
Tip: Be aware of the actual financial needs of the children and consult legal advice if needed.
8. "The Kids Are Fine with Changing the Schedule"
Narcissists may unilaterally change visitation schedules and claim the children are okay with it, ignoring the importance of stability and routine.
Tip: Always confirm any changes with your children and ensure legal agreements regarding custody are respected.
9. "The Kids Prefer My Parenting Style"
This lie is designed to undermine your confidence as a parent. The narcissist may claim that their way of parenting is more effective, regardless of the children’s actual needs.
Tip: Focus on creating a healthy, supportive environment for your children rather than competing with the narcissist’s version of "ideal" parenting.
10. "I’ll Get Custody if You Don’t Agree"
In an attempt to manipulate you into giving in to their demands, a narcissist may threaten to take custody of the children, even if there’s no legal or factual basis for this claim.
Tip: Know your rights and maintain open communication with legal professionals to ensure you’re not being misled by these threats.
Conclusion
Narcissists use lies and manipulation to create confusion and control in co-parenting situations. By staying informed, documenting everything, and focusing on direct communication with your children, you can navigate these challenges while maintaining your parental integrity.
Sources:
Durvasula, R. (2019). Don't You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility (pp. 112-145). Post Hill Press.
McBride, K. (2023). Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: What You Need to Know. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com
Bashir, D. (2021). Narcissistic Co-Parenting: How to Protect Your Children (pp. 30-55). Self-Published.
American Psychological Association. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org
Right Lawyers. (2024). Divorcing a Narcissist: Tips for a Smoother Process. Retrieved from https://rightlawyers.com
The author of this website, Mary Susan,
1. Has no credentials in psychology,
2. Is a narcissist who creates chaos in everyone's lives, and
3. Hilariously created this website as a (classic) narcissist projection.
Fuck you Mary Susan. You'll never change.