Breaking Free
Divorcing a narcissist is a highly complex and emotionally charged process that requires strategic planning and emotional resilience. Unlike typical divorces, separating from a narcissist often involves manipulation, obstruction, and gaslighting, all aimed at maintaining control. Here are ten crucial things to keep in mind:
Document Everything: Narcissists will lie and manipulate situations. Keep meticulous records of all communications, financial documents, and interactions. This documentation can be critical in court to counter false accusations.
Expect Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists thrive on control. They may use tactics like love-bombing or guilt trips to pull you back into the relationship. Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, "Narcissists use their charm to mask their true intentions and to ensure a steady stream of admiration and validation."
Prepare for Delays: Narcissists are known for dragging out divorce proceedings. They may refuse to settle or cooperate, delaying decisions to increase your legal fees and exhaust your emotional reserves.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your mental well-being. Narcissists will often try to provoke emotional responses, but maintaining a low emotional reaction can help you avoid unnecessary conflict.
Secure Your Finances: Narcissists are notorious for financial manipulation. Change passwords, open individual accounts, and ensure that they cannot access your assets. If your spouse controls the finances, consult a lawyer early.
Hire the Right Lawyer: A lawyer experienced in narcissistic behavior will be essential. They will understand the tactics used and can counter them effectively. Dr. Karyl McBride stresses the importance of hiring professionals familiar with dealing with narcissists during divorce.
Don't Expect Closure: Narcissists rarely provide emotional closure. They lack empathy and are unlikely to show remorse. As Dr. Danish Bashir notes, "Narcissists discard their victims harshly because they have no genuine emotional attachment or empathy".
Beware of Public Smear Campaigns: Narcissists often launch smear campaigns to discredit you among friends, family, and colleagues. This tactic is designed to isolate you while they position themselves as the victim.
Be Ready for Custody Battles: If children are involved, a narcissist may use them as leverage to hurt you. Maintaining a calm and neutral demeanor during custody disputes is critical to avoid falling into their traps.
Prioritize Self-Care: Divorcing a narcissist is emotionally draining. Engage in activities that promote your mental health and surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or a therapist.
In summary, divorcing a narcissist requires emotional resilience, legal preparedness, and self-care. Protecting yourself from manipulation and keeping focused on the legal process is key to emerging from the situation with your dignity and well-being intact.
Sources:
Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., P., & Malkin, Ph.D., C. (2023). 13 Essential Tips If You Are Divorcing a Narcissist. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/
McBride, Ph.D., K. (2024). Tips for Divorcing a Narcissist. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/
Right Lawyers. (2024). Divorcing a Narcissist: Tips for a Smoother Process. Right Lawyers. Retrieved from https://rightlawyers.com/divorcing-a-narcissist/
The author of this website, Mary Susan,
1. Has no credentials in psychology,
2. Is a narcissist who creates chaos in everyone's lives, and
3. Hilariously created this website as a (classic) narcissist projection.
Fuck you Mary Susan. You'll never change.