Charm, Charisma, and Chaos

The Narcissist’s Handbook

What do narcissists need to keep their supply running? Picture a narcissist as a sleek, high-maintenance sports car that runs on a special kind of fuel: validation. They need a constant supply of praise and admiration to keep their insecurities at bay. Think of it like an animal motivated by food, except in this case, the food is your admiration and attention.

Their motivations are pretty straightforward: power, control, dominance, and supply. Supply means getting all the praise and admiration they can wring out of the world. It’s like a never-ending buffet of ego-boosting treats. So, how do they get it? They have a toolbox full of tricks: manipulation, gaslighting, invalidation, and minimizing other people’s rage, whether it’s passive-aggressive rage or in-your-face tantrums. They breadcrumb, future-fake, betray, lie, and constantly criticize. It's like they're in a never-ending game of emotional Whac-A-Mole, popping up with a new tactic every time you think you’ve got them figured out.

But here's the kicker: they can’t just walk around gaslighting people the first time they meet them. That’s not going to win them any fans. So, they start with superficial charm and charisma. They’re like the charming villain in a rom-com—confident, seemingly having it all together, and often quite attractive. Research even shows that people who are narcissistic are judged as more attractive in their photos. They excel at dating, climb the leadership ladder, and make more money. Basically, they’re everything society tells us to value in a partner, friend, or employee, wrapped up in a very shiny, very deceptive package.

Sources:

• Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.

• Clark, D. (2018). Understanding Narcissistic Abuse: A Guide for Survivors. Self-Published.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Retrieved from APA

• Greenberg, E. (2020). Narcissistic Types: Understanding and Dealing with Them. Self-Published.