Behind the Mask

The Selfish and Critical Nature of Narcissists

A narcissist is a spectacularly selfish individual, with an unbelievable focus on one goal: to protect and please himself. This selfishness is the core feature of narcissism. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, “Narcissism is about extreme self-focus and a lack of empathy for others.” Narcissists are world-class selfish individuals who prioritize their needs above all else, often at the expense of those around them. One of the most painful aspects of being involved with a narcissist is the profound loneliness it creates. A narcissist won't meet your needs because they aren't even on his radar. He is incapable of forming genuine emotional connections. Studies show that relationships with narcissists often leave partners feeling isolated and unsupported. This lack of emotional connection can lead to significant feelings of loneliness and abandonment.

Zero Compassion and Relentless Criticism

Narcissists have zero compassion and empathy. Dr. Elinor Greenberg explains, “A narcissist’s empathy deficit makes them incapable of truly understanding or caring about the feelings of others.” When you're angry, hurt, or upset, a narcissist couldn't care less. It's always your problem that you created, and it has nothing to do with him. This emotional neglect can be devastating, as it leaves you feeling invalidated and alone in your struggles. Narcissists are incredibly critical, both subtly and outrageously. They will criticize your weight, looks, housekeeping, and even how you grocery shop. This constant criticism can occur privately or publicly, often in front of children or friends. The goal is to undermine your self-esteem and reinforce their sense of superiority. According to research, this relentless criticism is a common tactic used by narcissists to maintain control and dominance in relationships.

Examples of Narcissistic Behavior

Imagine a husband who criticizes his wife’s cooking in front of their children, making her feel inadequate and embarrassed. Or a boss who belittles an employee’s efforts during a team meeting, undermining their confidence and making them feel incompetent. These examples illustrate how narcissists use criticism to manipulate and control those around them.

In conclusion, the narcissist’s spectacular selfishness, lack of compassion, and relentless criticism create an environment of loneliness and emotional pain for those involved with them. Dr. Durvasula aptly summarizes, “Narcissists are incapable of forming true connections, leaving their partners feeling isolated and unworthy.” Recognizing these traits is the first step in protecting yourself from their damaging influence and fostering healthier, more empathetic relationships.

Sources:

• Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.

• Greenberg, E. (2020). Narcissistic Types: Understanding and Dealing with Them. Self-Published.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Retrieved from APA

• Journal of Clinical Psychology. (2020). The Impact of Narcissistic Behavior on Relationships. Retrieved from Journal of Clinical Psychology