Ambition or Narcissism

Seeing the True Colors

I know you’ve been through a lot, and it’s important to understand what you’re dealing with. Ambition is a powerful force that drives people to achieve their dreams. It can lead to amazing accomplishments. But let’s clear up a common misconception: ambition and narcissism are not the same. Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, “The idea that ambition is narcissistic is a misnomer. Ambition is ambition.” When someone is genuinely pursuing their dreams, it’s about their goals, not about hurting others.

Imagine someone who prioritizes their career over relationships. They might say, “My career is everything to me, and as a result, I’ve decided not to get into a relationship because I don't think it's right to do that to someone. I'm always gonna be working nights and weekends, and I'm not gonna be available.” This shows responsibility and self-awareness. They recognize that their ambitions would make them unavailable, and they choose not to impose that on a partner. This is ambition in its pure form, not narcissism.

But I understand your pain comes from a different place. Narcissism shows up when ambition overrides basic human decency. If the person in your life is constantly unavailable, never listens, and fails to support or empathize with you, using their ambition as an excuse, that’s when ambition becomes narcissistic. Dr. Ramani highlights, “If a person is in a relationship and they’re constantly not filling their roles within their relationship in the name of their ambition, they may be both ambitious and narcissistic.”

It’s not your fault. The key difference here is how their ambition impacts you. True ambition respects others and sets healthy boundaries. Narcissistic ambition, however, disregards your feelings and needs, placing their success above everything else. This is where the hurt comes in, and it’s crucial to see this behavior for what it is.

You deserve to be seen and heard. You deserve someone who can balance their ambitions with compassion and empathy for you. Ambition, when coupled with respect and care, can coexist beautifully with relationships. But when it turns narcissistic, it’s time to recognize the signs and protect yourself.

Remember, your feelings are valid. You are not alone in this. As you navigate this, hold onto the truth of your experience. You are worthy of being prioritized and respected. And always remember, “In the darkest moments, remember your resilience. You have the power to rebuild, to find new connections, and to emerge stronger than before.” Keep moving forward, brave soul. Your strength is your greatest ally.

Sources:

• Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.

• Clark, D. (2018). Understanding Narcissistic Abuse: A Guide for Survivors. Self-Published.

• American Psychological Association. (2023). Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Retrieved from APA

• Greenberg, E. (2020). Narcissistic Types: Understanding and Dealing with Them. Self-Published.