10 Destructive Things Narcissists Do to Their Kids

Strategies to Heal

Narcissistic parents often leave a trail of emotional damage in their children’s lives. Here are the top 10 ways narcissists create chaos for their kids and tips to overcome these destructive behaviors.

1. Emotional Manipulation Narcissists manipulate their children’s emotions to maintain control. They may make children feel guilty for setting boundaries or having feelings.

   Tip: Teach kids to recognize manipulation and set firm boundaries to protect their emotional well-being.

2. Gaslighting Narcissistic parents often deny or distort reality, causing their children to question their own experiences.

   Scenario: A child remembers an event, but the parent insists it never happened.

   Tip: Encourage children to trust their memories and keep a journal to document their experiences.

3. Excessive Criticism Narcissists constantly criticize their children, lowering their self-esteem.

   Tip: Help children develop a strong sense of self-worth by praising their efforts and abilities outside the narcissist’s influence.

4. Using Children as Extensions of Themselves Narcissists often see their children as a reflection of their own ego, pressuring them to fulfill their unmet dreams.

   Scenario: A parent forces their child into sports to relive their own youth.

   Tip: Encourage children to pursue their passions, not their parent’s expectations.

5. Triangulation Narcissists may create conflict between siblings or other family members to remain in control.

   Tip: Foster open communication between siblings and family members to prevent the narcissist from driving wedges between them.

6. Emotional Withholding A narcissist might withhold love and affection as a means of control.

   Scenario: A child seeks affection and the parent responds with cold indifference. Tip: Help children find emotional support through other caring adults.

7. Undermining Achievements Narcissists downplay or ignore their children’s accomplishments to keep them feeling inferior.

   Tip: Celebrate your child’s achievements and encourage them to recognize their own value.

8. Boundary Violations Narcissistic parents frequently ignore their children’s boundaries, from invading privacy to controlling decisions.

   Tip: Teach kids the importance of setting and maintaining personal boundaries.

9. Playing the Victim Narcissists shift blame onto their children to avoid accountability, fostering guilt and confusion.

   Scenario: The parent blames the child for their own failures.

   Tip: Educate children about healthy accountability and that they are not responsible for their parent’s issues.

10. Instilling Fear Narcissistic parents use fear tactics, like yelling or threatening abandonment, to maintain control.

    Tip: Encourage children to seek safe spaces where they feel secure and can speak freely.

Breaking free from the chaos created by a narcissistic parent is challenging, but with strong boundaries, emotional support, and self-affirmation, children can heal and thrive.

Sources:

• Durvasula, R. (2019). Don't You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility (pp. 112-145). Post Hill Press.

• Thomas, L. (2021). 13 Ways Narcissistic Parents Sabotage Their Children. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202104/13-ways-narcissistic-parents-sabotage-their-children.

• Parker, A. (2022). 10 Ways Narcissistic Parents Hurt Their Children. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202204/10-ways-narcissistic-parents-hurt-their-children.

• Johnson, M. (2020). 13 Tactics Narcissists Use to Manipulate Their Children. Our Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.ourmental.health/narcissists-use-to-manipulate-children.